Friday, March 21, 2008

who am i?

I have determined that two things exist that have drastic mood-altering effects on me..
1. the weather
2. music

Why would I start this entry with this realization? Mostly because my mood has never been so variable (or unstable) as it is now during my last semester of school.

I've been keeping the most deep-rooted concerns to myself lately... but I think it's about time I came to terms with them. Sorry for the wordiness or length of the entry, but I'm just typing what comes to mind.

School
I have become a lazy ass. This semester I have not put the same amount of effort into school as I have in the past. Sure, most people have said that in your last semester it doesn't matter, and that I should just try to have fun. School is a privilege that I shouldn't take for granted. This fact has recently become more important to me as a good friend of mine does not take it for granted, yet, he may suffer a scholastic setback because of some technicality in some stupid University policy.

Also, this semester is mostly group work for projects. I have two major projects and I feel like I haven't been contributing enough. I definitely feel like I could be doing more and being a more responsible group member. I don't know why I keep making excuses, but it's no longer acceptable. I need to keep up and to stop slacking because I am becoming the kind of person that I would hate and displaying behaviour that I would not normally tolerate in others.

Career
So I sent in my completed job application form and signed offer. I think I have finally decided to just accept that I will be working the oil and gas industry, at least for now. One year at this company is a good time period for me to figure out what I want to do with my life. I do not want to work in the petrochemical industry forever, as it is personally unsatisfying work. I definitely did not research job options and that is due to my laziness and just general unawareness of the situation and how influential this decision would be on my life. I am really worried about getting stuck in a job I don't enjoy. Really worried. I am planning on doing graduate school now because I am more interested in the material that I'm learning this semester.. so the future looks brighter, but I definitely need to get my butt in motion and to stop taking the easy way out.

Relationships
I have made some stupid decisions in my life, but not as bad as what I decided to do this past weekend. I won't go into details, but I pretty much made such a bad decision that I cannot respect myself for what happened. I want to place the blame elsewhere, but then I would be someone even worse. I need to start being accountable for my mistakes. I also need to realize that people are not who they seem and that not everyone has the best intentions. These people need to be taught a lesson so that they do not hurt anyone. What does this have to do with relationships? Keep reading..

As a result of what happened recently, I feel like I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm very confused with my life in terms of relationships. I say one thing, do another. I like one person, yet go for another. I need to be the old Vicki and see everything from the simpler point of view. I want to be the non-pessimistic person, yet not over optimistic either. Take things as it happens instead of over analyzing everything. It makes that one special moment that much more special if I'm not expecting it. I want that feeling again.. the feeling of being appreciated and liked and not expecting it. You know the one.. the one where you can't help but smile when you think of that person even though it makes you look crazy on the bus... the one that puts that little energy in your step.. the one that puts a little happiness in everything you do. I want that again...

Fun
I have been going out a lot recently. I use the excuse that I want to see as many people as possible before I leave, but I feel like there's a deeper excuse that I'm hiding because I'm afraid to admit it. Living at home, I felt like a prisoner and that I was always missing out because I had to go home early, or because I just wasn't allowed out. Now that I'm on my own, I think I've taken my new found freedom a little too far. I need to regain control of my life and start leading an adult life.

Recently, I've been drinking more often and it's not something I think I'm glad about. I think I'm doing it mostly to fit in. The alcohol really does loosen one up, and it makes me very vulnerable which is starting to scare me. The more I drink, the more friendly and more talkative I get. If I didn't know me, I'd irritate myself.

It's starting to take a toll on my life.. physical and emotional wear is showing. Physically, my body just can't handle the late nights (especially since I stay up so late already). The physical wear affects my concentration and other aspects of my life. The emotional wear is mostly as a result of my actions while inebriated. I've done some stupid stuff while drunk and I am becoming less and less surprised with what I do while under the influence of alcohol; this is not acceptable. I have to be a lot smarter with what I do and say. A part of me wonders how far I'll go before something serious happens.. and then what?

I need to get back to the things that I really enjoy... playing games, karaoke, playing volleyball/squash, maybe get back into making music, drawing, reading, arts and crafts, making clothes, hanging out with friends.. anything that doesn't change who I am like alcohol seems to. It scares me that something like a drink can change who we are... I can control what effect it has by not succumbing to the temptation of social drinking. It can't change who I am if I'm not consuming it. I may do it on occasion, but only if I'm surrounded by friends that will watch out for me, which leads me to my next topic...

Friends
I feel worn out. I know I have a limited amount of weekends left so I've been trying to see and spend time with as many friends as possible. The result is a very tired Vicki. I think I need to realize that if I'm putting all the effort of trying to see people and others are not, that I need to be understanding. Not everyone has the time like I do this semester. Not everyone realizes how much I'll miss them when I leave. My life is what it is because of the company I keep. Everyone I've met in University has molded a part of my life in some way or another. At the Civil grad banquet, I felt bad for not knowing everyone, and therefore, I tried meeting everyone I hadn't yet. A little late yes, but I feel like at least I put the effort into trying. You never know who you're going to see again in the future. It made me kinda sad that I didn't try earlier, and that I won't be able to really learn who these people are and what they stand for. Meeting people makes me feel happy and learning what makes them tick excites me in that someone is willing to share their story with me. I feel very privileged to have been in these people's lives.

I will miss everyone from Edmonton and it saddens me to think of leaving, but it's a necessary step. I will meet new people in Calgary, but no one will displace the friends I have made in Edmonton. All the school friends (junior high to university) with which I've been aquainted, became friends, shared stories, laughed, cried, high-fived, hugged, supported, played games like Taboo and Tetrinet, played squash and volleyball, facebooked, MSNed, sang, made music, listened to music, drank, partied, danced the night away, had those late night conversations that you'll never forget.... they're gifts to me. Ones I'd never give up. Ever. I love all of you guys and I'll miss you like you wouldn't believe.

Posted by norwegian girl at 6:42 p.m.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

i'm.. oh so tired

It's revival of the blog time.. at least for now until the next lapse occurs.

I'm in my final year of school and I have to say it's full of random emotions/feelings/sensations.

Happy
I only have 7 more months of assignments/tests/projects.
I have a job offer.

Sad
I only have 7 more months to get to know my fellow students.
My job offer places me in Calgary, away from my Edmonton friends.

Exhausted
I am Captain of this year's GNCTR team.
I have volleyball once a week.
I have various concerts for which I have foolishly purchased tickets.
It's midterm week.
I have re-downloaded Tetrinet2.
I'm having troubles at home and potentially w/ a close friend.
I am Captain of this year's GNCTR team.

Uncertain
Do I want to work in Calgary at my specific job?
Is it going to work out w/ family and friend?
Will I be able to handle being Captain?
What am I going to do with my one month off before work begins?

I must say I wish I was blissfully sensation-less. Sure, one could say I could stop signing up for so many things, but that's who I am. I like to keep busy to test myself. What can I accomplish? I know I can accomplish everything I set my mind to and I have this need to constantly prove it to myself. I also feel like I'm wasting time by not doing everything I can before the real world begins.

What I've realized is that busying myself with everything allows me to mentally distance myself from the negative things in life temporarily. This could have disastrous results on my personal life and it's already surfacing in my life as mental fatigue. I need to satisfy my want to stay busy and parry it with the occasional realization that I, being human, need to vent to supportive friends or just take some "me" time more often. Also, I need to stay off Facebook and Alluc.org and other such evil creations all linked together by the ultimate time-wasting world wide web.

I'm off to do some reading, a couple assignments, and study for two exams this week as I have a concert (which is unfortunately at the same time as my vball game) and a GNCTR team building event this week. I'm also heading to Calgary this weekend to do some of my own team building.

....I think I should probably take a stroll on the treadmill as well.

Posted by norwegian girl at 1:33 p.m.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

gnctr

So last weekend I went to GNCTR in Winnipeg. I am a little tired to explain everything in depth, but here is a summary. (Please excuse the horrible use of the English language as I am so tired.)

1) Arrived in Winnipeg before anyone else on the team from Calgary. Set my stuff up and eventually met up with the rest of the team. Opening ceremonies happened and then drinking at the hotel.

2) Activity day was awesome. TEAM SIX!!!!! Our team was so awesome. Spongee and dodgeball all day long. Oliver from Hamboggan; Jessica and Leader from Smurfs; Alexin and Hero from ETS; guy from U of M, guy from U of T; Sylvie from C4 and Ryan and myself from Baywatch: Alberta. We were the most spirited team there by far. TEAM SIX TEAM SIX TEAM SIX.

3) Went to some restaurant bar at night. Had some steak wooo! Danced the night away. Favourite song of the night: Blow my Whistle Bitch with everyone on our team blowing our whistles like nobody's business. Left the bar w/ Alexin and had a great night drinking w/ random teams.

4) Tech Ex day was filled with cheering all day long. So many hoarse voices by the end of the day. The other teams's technical displays were pretty cool. Pimp-My-Boggan by Sherbrooke had the wickedest toboggan decked out in fur.

5) Went to a hall in the evening to drink/dance the night away. Go Total Eclipse of the Heart!! Went to the hotel to drink another night away.

6) RACE DAY. It was -46 degrees celsius with windchill. The thing that saved most of us were the free toe and finger warmers. The hill itself was so steep. A lot of teams rolled over. Some people had to go the hospital. On one team, there were four people that had to go to the hospital. One of them had broken their ankle and another had bank injuries. It was pretty worrisome. Our first run rolled over but we think it may have been because the steerer pulled the wrong lever. The second run was filled with drama as we discovered a crack in one of the welds. The end result was us finishing the race ok. Not the fastest run, but we made it and our team was estastic and had a great big group hug!!

7) Formal dinner and awards ceremony in the evening. Good food. We won the spirit award!!! We just received the final results in an email and we also got second place on the technical report which I co-authored, so YAY for me! haha. It was our last night in the Peg so everyone was all out w/ the drinking at the hotel. I found Alexin and hung out w/ him for awhile and ended the night in Clayton's room just talking about the most random stuff. Good times. I had to sleep on the floor in my own room b/c somehow there were already five people in my room, one on the floor.

8) Next morning, everyone was hoarse and pretty much dead tired. Some were still drunk or still drinking. We went to the airport and off we went back to school/work.

I am now at my place in Calgary. I am still recovering from the trip. I don't have my voice back yet and my throat is still itchy as hell. Apparently half our team is suffering from bronchitis. I could possibly have that but I am riding it out. Every morning I hack and hack until I get some fluid down my throat but the pain was so worth it. Most fun I've had in a long long LONG time.

Other updates:

The Fluor student group is really awesome. We've been doing random stuff together outside of work. We did a corporate challenge event last week: the Human Bonspiel, which consisted of us throwing ourselves down the ice on an innertube to get close to the 'button.' We went to the casino the other night and all you can eat sushi. Four of us ate 200 pieces of sushi combined. It was pretty gross haha. At the casino I won $46 off the slot machines. That was fun haha. We're going bowling tomorrow and to a Flames (booo) game on Tuesday.

Work however is another story. It's really boring cause I have no work to do but I hope I have stuff to do soon.... guh.

Posted by norwegian girl at 9:58 p.m.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

what a VANTASTIC weekend

Sorry Van but I'm about to describe the most fantastic weekend ever. Unfortunately, you ditched Doris and I for Edmonton so you missed out, so this summary is for you.

1) THURSDAY -- Van left after work to go to Edmonton. Doris and I went to the YMCA for the second day in the row. After going to the YMCA we went to the Keg to gorge ourselves on delicious steak. Then, after having the best dinner of our lives, we went to Muse for dessert. Our totally hot waiter however, managed to get us free deserts if we bought drinks. Of course, being totally susceptible to our charms, the waiter bought our drinks for us. SCORE!

2) FRIDAY -- I had the day off because it was my flex day. So firstly, I went to Crave to get some cupcakes for my roommate. It was her birthday and everyone loves cupcakes. Then I went downtown to another YMCA to meet Doris up for more working out. We were headed home to meet up with Cara, our friend coming down from Edmonton for the weekend. We made the most delicious chicken drumstick, potato and onion baked dish for dinner and then DDR'ed the night away. This was after we ate cupcake after cupcake of course. Princess cupcakes from Crave are to die for. One notable event of the night was when we were eating our cupcakes with Krista and her boyfriend. Out of nowhere, a glass bottle of RED wine from the top of our fridge decides to kamikaze onto our kitchen floor. It somehow made it past the box of granola bars that was sitting in front of it, and also misses hitting the stove, which is right next to the fridge. It travelled at least three feet to its final destination where it crashed and stained everything in sight, including our white cabinet doors. After attempting to clean the mess, we discover that some of the cabinets are only covered in primer as the white begins to rub away as we clean to expose the wood beneath. We are still in wonder as to exactly how the wine could have thrown itself off the fridge.

3) SATURDAY -- Doris and I headed to another YMCA. We met some cuties at the gym so we invited them to come with us grocery shopping for our hockey game party. Of course, they ended up paying for our snacks. Back at home, we watched our disappointing hockey game (damn you flamers) but had good company at least. We had the best nachos ever and some booze to boot. DDR finished the night off.

4) SUNDAY -- Doris, Cara and I woke up at 8 am to watch Moulin Rouge because Cara had never seen it. After that we went to have brunch at Nellies. Let me tell you, blueberry pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, ham, sausage, bacon strips, muffins, hash browns and fruit make up the most delicous breakfast I've had in quite some time. SOOO GOOOOOD. Cara had to begin her trip back home, so after saying our goodbyes, Doris and I walked along Kensington where we bought quite a few used books. Then we went home, and here I am now.

I have to find a new bus route to ride tomorrow to my new work building...

If you're NOT Van, highlight below.

I may have exagerrated or made up some of the above events.. but mostly in efforts to make Van jealous. I'm sure you've figured out that the only parts I made up are the ones involving males... because we all know Doris and I are smart enough not to waste our time with stupid boys... :P

Posted by norwegian girl at 4:09 p.m.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

the facebook epidemic

Ok people. You may approach. It's Facebook-flu season and I am virus free.

My ex-ally Doris has unfortunately been bitten by the creeping-bug and I have lost her to the dark side.

Jokes aside, I do believe there are good points to Facebook. For those that make the effort to spend time with their friends, Facebook is a place to share photos and random comments with each other in remembrance of time spent together.

But for some people, it's a way to hold onto some vestige of a relationship with people you don't have enough time and effort with which to get together. I think the biggest problem with facebook lies in the "friends" list.

I don't consider people you don't talk to on a regular basis "friends"; however, to others, Facebook is an opportunity to show off how technological up-to-date you are and how many "friends" you have when in truth, you are too lazy of a person to actually use a telephone to arrange a meet up with these so called "friends." You probably don't even like everyone on your "friends" list but you like the fact that you can create this facade to the public that you are a popular person, when in fact, you are most likely socially inept and not that great of a friend. Don't depend on an online site to keep all your so-called friendships intact. A friendship that survives because of an internet site is shit.

Also, don't complain when other people add you to their friends list when you do the exact same thing to other people. It's not like you're any better than they are.

One more thing, please stop telling me how fantastic Facebook is. I don't want to go online to see how big your friends list is or how fantastic people's wall scribblings are. I don't mind looking at pictures though.

The above reasons do not explain why I don't use Facebook though. I would probably end up adding people I haven't talked to in ages in an attempt to look well connected just like everyone else. The real reason why I don't use Facebook is that I should not sign up for another online community where I will waste hours and hours on the internet when I already spend too much time on my over-worked Dellbert. I should spend that time doing something more productive, like reading, or going to the YMCA. Yes, physical exercise. Remember kids, it's good for you! Go with a friend!

Posted by norwegian girl at 10:56 p.m.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

i want things

Sigh... the Oil lost tonight. Next week: retribution. Hockey party at our place!!!

I number my thoughts in a lot of my blog entries and this will not be an exception:

1) I have worked one whole week now in Calgary. So far, I'm bored out of my mind reading manuals, specs and project descriptions. I need actual work. I don't care if I have no idea how to do the calcs, I want work SO BAD. At least almost all of the other students are having the same issue with an excess of boredeom. The other coop students are really nice and I like the student atmosphere. I've never had enough students to actually hang out together. Another good thing about my job is that I get every second Friday off so WOOOOOT for that.

2) Living at our house in Calgary has been pretty darn awesome so far. Go roomies!!

3) I'm poor. I have been spending way too much money recently and I need to stop. But first, tomorrow I'm heading to the mall to order my new shoes. I've been eyeing them for so long and they're on sale so I'm just going to buy them.

4) DDR is kinda addictive. Especially Ducking Hardcore Mixes of It's A Small World.

5) Recently I've noticed a jump in my desire to have things. This is bad especially since I have no money to spend. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm away from home so I have more liberty to spend my money the way I wish without my mom breathing down my back all the time.

6) I <3 Muse.

7) I hemmed almost all my pants today!!!! I'm so proud of myself. I still haven't cleaned my room in Calgary... I actually can't see half the floor.

8) I miss Edmonton and knowing where everything is... Calgary is becoming more familiar to me though so this is a good sign.

9) I <3 (natural) red hair.

10) A note about our house. It's pretty sweet I must say for students; however, the sound travels through the walls like water through a sieve. It's pretty strange. We have held conversations across the house while being separated by no less than four walls. Sleeping in is quite difficult when everyone else is leaving the house for work; I have determined that from first hand experience.

Listening to: Uno by Muse

Posted by norwegian girl at 11:17 p.m.

Monday, December 25, 2006

packing up

So here I am blogging when what I should really be doing it cleaning my room and packing for the journey to Calgary in a couple of days.

But firstly, and before I forget, Merry Christmas all!!

Tomorrow is Boxing Day. The Ng sisters are planning on waking up at 6 am and leaving the house to visit Michael's. We're hoping to pick up some nice boxes and some cool craft things at approximately 7 am. We will already be too late for Best Buy and Future shop if we want to avoid crazy line-ups so instead....

...we have two hours to make it to Holt Renfrew for their door opening. Denise will have been dropped off at home already to go back to sleep while Ada and I fight tooth and nail for some shoes. MMmmmm shoes. But of course we will peruse the other areas of the store before departing.

I love shopping too much. I need toooo many things. I bought some nice work clothes though so far. I have to get ALL my pants hemmed.

The rest of Boxing Day will be spent packing and buying (last minute) things for my Calgary stay. I need boxes...

The 27th will consist of the U-Haul truck going around and picking up all our stuff for storage for the night in preparation of our early departure on the 28th.

Bong will be accompanying us on the 28th. It'll be fun I'm sure. Especially since Sam is coming over today to drop off his ps1 and DDR stuff so I can bring it to Calgary.. teehee.. weeeeeeee... if you're doubting the amount of fun we'll have with this, realize that Sam is also lending us his Disney DDR cd. Be jealous.